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In Focus: Gambling-Addiction Study Gets Out Of Hand

29. July 2010 - 17:30
LAS VEGAS, NV—A gambling-addiction study by researchers at UNLV's Gaming Studies Research Center has "gotten way out of hand," sources close to the project reported Monday.


Categories: Politics

Opinion: If Only There Were Some Way I Could Watch Premium Movies In The Comfort Of My Own Home (by Jeff Kunstler)

29. July 2010 - 16:00
Television technology has been improving for decades, to the point where anyone anywhere in the country has access to hundreds of quality cable channels at the touch of a button. Shouldn't watching the hottest films, with today's hottest stars, be just a click away, too?


Categories: Politics

Bar Patrons Dismayed By Sight Of Band Setting Up

29. July 2010 - 15:00
ATLANTA—Patrons of Valentine's Tavern were visibly crestfallen Tuesday when their pleasant evening of drinking and conversing with friends was suddenly derailed by the sight of a few people plugging in instruments.


Categories: Politics

American Voices: Tennessee Candidate Asks If Islam Is Cult

29. July 2010 - 14:30
At an event earlier this month, Tennessee gubernatorial candidate Ron Ramsey questioned whether Islam was a religion or a cult, drawing criticism from Muslim leaders.


Categories: Politics

Report: Unemployment High Because People Keep Blowing Their Job Interviews

29. July 2010 - 14:00
WASHINGTON—With unemployment at its highest level in decades, the U.S. Department of Labor issued a report Tuesday suggesting the crisis is primarily the result of millions of Americans just completely blowing their job interviews.


Categories: Politics

In Focus: New Gas Bill Designed By Some Kind Of Freaking Maniac

28. July 2010 - 19:15
BOSTON—Some kind of raving psychopath apparently gnawed through his restraints and burrowed out of the Massachusetts Center For The Criminally Insane to design the invoice for the Keystone Gas Company, 36-year-old Michael Beasley reported Monday.


Categories: Politics

Letters To The Editor: Color Blind

28. July 2010 - 19:00
Dear The Onion, I'm color-blind. What's green like? Brian Ackley, Southfield, MI


Categories: Politics

Statshot: What Tricks Are We Teaching Our Dogs?

28. July 2010 - 18:30


Categories: Politics

Infographic: Chelsea Clinton Getting Married

28. July 2010 - 17:30
Chelsea Clinton, daughter of former president Bill Clinton and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, is marrying Marc Mezvinsky this Saturday in a ceremony that will be attended by Barack Obama, Barbra Streisand, and Oprah Winfrey. Here's what to expect from the nuptials.


Categories: Politics

James, Bosh, Wade Decide Nickname Will Be 'The Three-Headed Shitstorm'

28. July 2010 - 15:30
MIAMI—After weeks of debate over their collective nickname, Lebron James, Chris Bosh, and Dwyane Wade announced yesterday that the newly formed all-star trio would call themselves the Three-Headed Shitstorm.


Categories: Politics

Man Has Mosquito On The Run

28. July 2010 - 15:00
RALEIGH, NC—As of 11:42 p.m.


Categories: Politics

American Voices: Defecating Birds Stop Kings Of Leon

28. July 2010 - 14:30
After being hit repeatedly by pigeon feces from the rafters of the Verizon Amphitheater in St.


Categories: Politics

Newly Discovered Documents Shed Light On Nation's Creepy Founding Uncles

28. July 2010 - 14:00
PHILADELPHIA—"The United States would not be the place it is today without these pioneering creeps," said historian Leland Collier.


Categories: Politics

Slideshow: The Week In Review

27. July 2010 - 21:00


Categories: Politics

[video] In Focus: In The Know: Should We Be Shaming Obese Children More?

27. July 2010 - 19:45
Our panelists discuss whether taunting and insults would be an effective strategy to help America's obese children lose weight.


Categories: Politics

Your Horoscope - Week Of July 27, 2010

27. July 2010 - 19:00
Aries Just when it seems that all hope is gone, you'll discover a deep untapped reservoir of hope within you which will soon be gone too. Taurus You've always wanted to yell "Stop the presses," but just when it...


Categories: Politics