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[audio] China Bans Release Of Carbon Dioxide By Citizens

5 hours 21 min ago
Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redland
Categories: Politics

Powerful 'His And Hers' Towel Lobby Stalls Gay Marriage Legislation

19. August 2008 - 15:00
WASHINGTON—Gay rights activists protested the defeat of bill S. 743 Monday, saying that the proposed legislation giving homosexuals the...
Categories: Politics

Julia Child A Spy?

19. August 2008 - 12:00
According to newly released documents, chef Julia Child worked for the Office of Strategic Services, a U.S. spy agency, during World War II. What do...
Categories: Politics

[audio] Psychological Evaluation Eaten

19. August 2008 - 6:00
Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redland
Categories: Politics

[video] Latest Poll Reveals 430 New Demographics That Will Decide Election

19. August 2008 - 4:04
A recent election poll indicates vegan independents and skydiving widowers are among the groups that will have a major impact in November.
Categories: Politics

Cop Vows To Hunt Down Punk Who Successfully Pressed Brutality Charges Against His Partner

18. August 2008 - 19:00
DETROIT—Christopher O'Dell, a 16-year veteran of the Detroit Police Department, told reporters Monday that he will not rest until he exacts...
Categories: Politics

CDC Powerless To Stop Spread Of Virulent Mayonnaise-Borne Pathogen

18. August 2008 - 16:00
ATLANTA—"If I get it, I get it," said one woman. "I'm not going to change my whole life around every time they come on TV and say something is bad for you."
Categories: Politics

Tim Kaine's Children: Tim Kaine Could Be Vice President Of Lameness, Maybe

18. August 2008 - 16:00
RICHMOND, VA—Inciting further speculation that Virginia governor Tim Kaine would be named Sen. Barack Obama's running mate, snickering...
Categories: Politics

U.S. Driving Less

18. August 2008 - 14:00
Americans drove 53.2 billion fewer miles in the past nine months than they did in a comparable period a year ago. What do you think?
Categories: Politics

[audio] Punch On Nose Fails To Ward Off Loan Shark Attack

18. August 2008 - 6:00
Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redland
Categories: Politics

[audio] Sharper Image Vows 'We Will Be Undersold'

17. August 2008 - 6:00
Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redland
Categories: Politics

Soderbergh In The Park To Stage Production Of 'Ocean's Twelve'

16. August 2008 - 14:00
NEW YORK—Skeptics will be pleased traditional Soderberghian themes are present: anger, betrayal, and the travails of cool, wealthy people who plan crime capers.
Categories: Politics

[audio] Study: Watching Under Four Hours Of TV Impairs Ability To Mock Pop Culture

16. August 2008 - 6:00
Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redland
Categories: Politics

Johnson Johnson Introduces 'Nothing But Tears' Shampoo To Toughen Up Newborns

15. August 2008 - 16:00
NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ—The new shampoo features an all-alcohol-based formula and is as gentle on a baby's skin as "having to grow up and fend for your goddamn self."
Categories: Politics

Monster Got Tina

15. August 2008 - 15:00
OKEECHOBEE SWAMPS, FL—According to sources, the monster got Tina, 18, despite her having been right behind the other remaining survivors...
Categories: Politics

Iowa Boobs-For-Grades Scandal

15. August 2008 - 12:00
A University of Iowa professor is accused of fondling students in exchange for higher grades. What do you think?
Categories: Politics

[audio] 1992 Belly Tattoo Stretched To Breaking Point

15. August 2008 - 6:00
Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redland
Categories: Politics

Affair To Threaten Whatever It Is John Edwards Does For A Living

14. August 2008 - 17:12
WASHINGTON—News of his extramarital affair with a former campaign worker could put John Edwards at serious risk of losing the position or...
Categories: Politics

Double-Jointed Man On Date Breaks It Out Too Early

14. August 2008 - 15:00
COOPERSTOWN, NY—Double-jointed man Stephen Rothkowitz's first date with Lois Hiller, 30, was irrevocably derailed when the 29-year-old...
Categories: Politics

U.S. Charioteer Breaks 2,500-Year-Old Chariot-Race Record Set By Perseus

14. August 2008 - 12:00
BEIJING—With just two hundredths of a second to spare, American charioteer Hank Fowler shocked those gathered in the Beijing Hippodrome...
Categories: Politics